Summer fever with the Cullens
by treblegirl1
Summary: The Cullens are at it again. This summer Emmett stirs up loads of trouble this time like Edward beating Bella at the mall Edward in jail the Cullens sleep testing matresses and much more. From drag queens to corsets the cullens do it all.
1. Chapter 5 corsets in public

Note: this is the characters of twilight and this story takes place after Eclipse. Enjoy!

EPOV

"Yay! little bro summer's finally here. Doesn't that make you happy." Emmett had the biggest goofiest grin on his face. I immediately suspected he was up to something.

" Yes, Emmett. summer is a wonderful idea to me. It's not because of that golden son, it's because I get to spend more alone time with my Bella." _I told Jasper he couldn't go one hour without talking about Bella. The bet is mine. _I looked at Emmett with annoyance as he turned around and told Jasper to pay up. " Come on Eddie boy. Alls good in bets and wars, right?" " You and Jasper's betting games are really setting my nerves on edge." I know I sounded like a joy kill but I really wish they'd stop betting on everything. Just last week they bet Bella would trip before five o'clock. She did trip. The problem was they put a line of baby oil across the floor and put feathers over it so it was inconspicuous and said Alice was trying some new kind of interior decorating. Sigh. Well we are here to hunt after all in this beautiful forest. We might as well get some in. Splash! I sighed. " Emmett. It will never work!" He had tried to surprise attack me again and I quickly dodged him and he flew into the water. _Could you give me a break once. Just one time I wanna catch you off guard. Is that so much to ask?__" _I want you to stop tripping and making fun of me and my fiance. We can't all get what we want though, can we?" " Hey Guys lets get back to what we came here for. To hunt. Let's go!" shouted an anxious Jasper. "Emmett", said Carlisle, "Why are you wet?" " because Edward keeps reading my mind." I decided to attempt to insult him but Emmett not surprisingly took it as a compliment.

" Okay let's get our minds off of the always idiotic-" " don't forget robotic"he interjected. "Emmett." Let's get back to hunting little bro. " you know, I have a fantastic summer plans for the Cullens." Oh no! Emmett was actually keeping me out of his head. He was singing show tunes and other crappy love songs in his head. This isn't good . Of all my brothers and sisters Emmett is the only one who has an extremely hard time keeping me out. _Hello my darling , hello my darling..._ I looked at him in horror.

BPOV

I love coming over to the Cullens house. What I don't like is Alice treating me like a doll. I mean why. "Why. Alice. Why?" I half asked half cried. I looked in the mirror and My hair was long and curly. It looked nice. My face was full of makeup. Not overly full. It also looked nice. " Alice!" This time I whined. " Bella I wish you would stop being such a stubborn person. You should take the advice I give you and use it to dress yourself. I bet Edward would think you looked hot." I hate when she mention Edwards name to get me to do something. I have to admit though , if Edward thought I looked hot in this then I guess I could do this. Just then Esme came in with some wonderful smelling Chinese food. I ateit even licked the plate. Alice was mumbling about manners and out of nowhere my phone, that Edward gave me, rang.I answered it with a sweet sounding hello. " Hello. Is this Bella." came a creepy, deep, raspy male sounding voice on the other line. " hope you're not still human." Click. Oh my god. The Volturi!


	2. Chapter 2

EPOV

Finally we're going home. I'm so glad and kind of anxious toward Emmett, who has his head turned making a phone call and whispering. Weird. I kind of figured he was saying something dirty to rose, so I tuned out his voice and thoughts. I turned around and Jasper was sitting in the seat cross-legged now . I tried to ask what was wrong with him. He said he was trying out a new form of stress reliever. I guess he couldn't handle all the emotions going through here. I guess I can't deal well either. That's why Carlisle is driving. I heard Emmett get off the phone and start laughing. I was interested in why he was laughing . I poked in his head. _ Sunday, Monday happy days...Tuesday Wednesday happy days... _I'll try again later.

BPOV

" Alice." Her small form turned around and came toward me. " I heard Bella, but don't worry you'll be changed soon enough." " But what if they come before I'm changed. You know the Volturi can be relentless." " Yeah. You're right. Maybe you should be changed sooner." My heart sped up then.

EMPOV

I tried the happy days thing. It worked. I can't find another song though. I'll just have to stay focused. Rose in a cowboy outfit. The Brown hat, the boots. The light colored shirt buttoned half way down, the... "God! Can't you wait until we get home to think about that.!" My sourpuss of a brother looked pretty angry. I know why. "I think you're just mad Eddie boy because you think I'm keeping something from you." He hates it when I call him Eddie, let alone Eddie boy. I can't wait until we get home. I hope I didn't shock Bella too bad. It was just a prank phone call. Haha! I knew she'd know who it was after I'd said , Hope you're not still human. Hah! Take that mind reading boy. Hey what the hell is wrong with Jasper, meditating and- GODDAMMIT EMMETT! " Now boys what's going on back there?" Carlisle weighed in. " Half assed brain Emmett called Bella in an unfamiliar voice and asked if she was still human." I could hear Carlisle and Jasper in the front breaking into fits of laughter. He immediately begin looking for the phone. " Come on Edward. You have to admit it was funny. She's okay maybe she's laughing it off and tripping at the same time." Keep it together Emmett. I can't bust out laughing now. " Maybe she was wearing lingerie for your honeymoon, you know trying it out. Maybe she was playing piggyback with a wolf. While wearing lingerie. Maybe then the wolf unphased." I couldn't hold it in any longer. There were three people now laughing their butts off. Edward just sit there and looked at us with rage in his eyes. He picked up the phone and dialed. " Bella." There was talking on the other side, maybe panic. Haha. Bella in a cowboy suit. Buttoned half way down- He looked at me then my thoughts went to Yo Sammity Sam. Not in the same suit though. Ew."Bella the person on the other line was not the volturi, it was Emmett." He said my name with such anger. Hey let's not be so hasty Edward. Hey I got a wedding present for you. The book of Kama Sutra. Imagine Bella in the position- " Yes. I know he's an idiot. I'll be home in about 30 minutes. Okay love you. Bye." He looked and all of a sudden he attacked me. Yes! I knew I would get something out of this. Let the fighting begin.


	3. Chapter 3

BPOV

Well, now we' re driving to Florida. We can't fly because of vampire reasons. It was obvious that Emmett was keeping Edward out. Obvious to everyone. He's driving the five of us crazy. He keeps talking really fast and in the middle probably when he's about to lose it he starts singing songs. _ I want your loving I want your revenge, you and me can write a bad romance... woh-oo-oh-oo-ohhhhh-oh-oo-ohhh-oh-oo-ooh caught in a bad romance... _This is where the talking began. "You know Bella you should tell me if you're in a bad romance because I know that Edward can sometimes be a big old sourpuss. Emphasis on the old. I mean he tells you what to do, he controls who you're with and everything in between so.." _Lean on me when you're not strong, I'll be your friend I'll help you carry on..._ I squeezed Edward's hand and went to sleep. When I woke up it was dark and I was in a big comfortable bed. " Edward?"

" Yes, I'm here. Finally we get some time to ourselves." I was about to say something when our room door flew open. Alice waltzed her pint-sized self in our room. " Sorry, Edward. Time to kidnap Bella. I'll bring her back later." " We were sprinting down the hall when we turned and went into a room. Rosalie was there." Hurry Bella before they come back." " Okay we're going to make this quick. We have some extra plans for the boys this summer. We wanted to let you in on it. Don't tell Edward, okay. Or our plans won't work." We bowed our heads together and talked about our plans and I pitched extra ideas. With the plans we came up with, this just might be the best summer I've ever had.


	4. Chapter 4

EPOV

Emmett is planning something stupid today. I know it. It was about twelve o'clock and we all went to a place called Funny Bone. Alice was doing random sign language, jasper was doing it back,and Emmett was singing Darling Nikki. _I knew a girl named Nikki I guess you could say she was a sex fiend...Nikki...I could not resist when I saw little Nikki grind. _Eww, he was picturing Rosalie on a pole singing this song, then to get me angry he pictured Bella. I glared at him. " Come on bro. I'm just shivering me timbers." We went in and I immediately knew something was up. We were at a comedy show. I was kind of relieved and angry at the same time. I was relieved because I expected worse and I was angry because this definitely has a purpose behind it. A comedy club was so random. Then the introducer came on an introduced someone named Embryo. A big dude with a hat on over his face came on. Aww man. He took off his hat and it was Emmett. He got on and started talking. I got distracted by a dude that came by the table offering to buy Bella a drink. _Wow she looks sexy in that red top. Wonder how she looks underneath... _My murderous glare stopped his train of thought. Emmett was now talking about his sister in law who needs a wheelchair and crutches by her bedside. Bella pouted. Rosalie was furious. _God dam idiot! If he says anything about me it's on. _Alice was next to give her mental opinion. _God I wished he would have let me pick out his clothes. I picked out Bella's clothes and already someone wants to buy her a drink. I'm good. I_ tuned everyone out and continued to listen to Emmett. " I have this brother who is a major control freak. He tells his girlfriend what to do all the time. I'm not saying she does it but … You know anyways if I was him I'd be grouchy all the time too if I wasn't getting any. No it's not because she won't give it up. He won't give it up! Who would have thought. One night I came in and I heard sounds and I thought they were playing naked twister but when I walked in they were playing battleship and he was like Bella you sank my ship. I bet she wish she had... and don't get me started on my little sister Alice. She's crazier than two hillbillies fighting over the last can of pork and beans...speaking of a southern accent my brother ,who's from Texas is the biggest fan of the... Bella who is my brothers girlfriend, the psycho control freak by the way...He continued on and on. Let me tell you how much of a control freak he is. One time his girlfriends friend , who is male, called. He said she moved to phoenix and wasn't coming back. I was like afraid of some friendly competition Eddie. He can give her what she wants if you know what I mean."(Winks eye)Emmett was getting on my nerves. Bella was actually laughing at the ones about me. Two can play at that game. I'm going to try to get the spotlight away from me. I whispered to Emmett so he could hear. "Emmett tell them about her sleep talking." She looked at me shocked. " Oh, yeah. She's so horny that whenever she dreams, it's always about sex with him. I walked past their room one night and heard moaning. He was sitting there wide awake just staring at her. Picture that. She was like 'Oh Edward. Touch me baby'. You would have thought he'd get a no he kept staring..." He went on for about five more minutes. From makeovers to orgies to everything else, he talked about it. Bella looked pissed. I'll dazzle her later. Everyone got up and stared venemously at Emmett. He was in deep trouble, he was going to have to dig his grave out of this one.


	5. Chapter 5

BPOV

Well because of Emmett's little stunt I have to go to the mall and get something to wear. Since he was laughing, Edward gets to come with me. I think I'm going to teach him a lesson. Coming to the mall with me is not enough. He is going to pay. I looked at this store called Busty and bad. I decided to kick my plan into action." Come on, edward. Let's go in here." He looked with disgust." you want to go in here?" I simply walked in. He was right on my heels touching clothes and looking at them like they were wolves. I picked up a black corset with matching pants that had cuts on the side that exposed too much skin. " Aren't these cute, edward?" "They're gorgeous." He looked at me with annoyance with his bitingly sarcastic comments. I decided to fix him. I picked up some zebra skin stilettos. Maybe I'll at least try to walk in them. My future sisters were right I need to loosen up. After torturing Edward a little by walking around, I finally rung up the shoes and the corset and pants. We walked out the store and Edward seemed mad. Just like I thought. I'll fix you sweetie. " Do you have to do things like that? I know you did that to annoy me. But that's okay you don't have the guts to wear it anyway." I knew I wasn't supposed to hear that last part, but I did. I decided to take a bathroom break and set the plan into action. I walked into the bathroom and there was Alice and Rosalie. I winked at them sending them the signal. I put the clothes on and walked out. Edward looked at me for about five seconds with shock. Then he got really angry. I walked away. He followed and he grabbed my arm. The mall was very crowded today. Good. I tried to pull away and he grabbed me some more. " Stop it Eddie!" Some people who were passing looked at us. " Why are you doing this Bella? What is wrong with you?" I cringed like I was scared and put my hands over my head in defense. " Don't beat me I'm sorry! Please don't beat me! no!" " What are you talking about! I'm Not touching you!" He was really angry now. He continued to grab at me to attempt to pull me up I guess. I used my clumsiness to help me out. With the stilettos on it was very easy. I then fell on my face making it look like he pushed me." You didn't have to push me I'm sorry. Don't hit mee anymore!" I kept sobbing, while Edward tried to pull me up and put his hand over my mouth. I knew what it looked like from far away. Domestic violence. Only it was public. I then saw Rosalie and Alice with two nice sized security guards. " Excuse me sir. I'm gonna have to ask you to leave and take your hands off of this woman." " I'm not touching her!" He raged and screamed at the security guards. I saw Jasper peeking around a corner. His gift helped with this plan majorly. Everyone was staring at us. "Excuse me sir. I'm gonna have to ask you to leave the mall. Now." "I'm not going anywhere-" They had called for backup minutes ago and all of a sudden two policemen showed up and handcuffed Edward. " Bella? You're in big trouble now." He was really angry now. One of the officers spoke up. " Is that a threat? Two charges in one night. Not a good look." Uh-oh. I didn't know he would get arrested. I'm in big trouble.


	6. Chapter 6

** Hey I'm back and here is another chapter. It's going to be much longer! Enjoy!**

EPOV

Here I am in a jail cell with four other nitwids. Once keeps announcing he is a beauty queen and keeps staring at me funny. Another keeps telling people he wants milk and cookies and wants people to sit on his lap. The last two are sitting in the corner whispering showtunes. These are seriously messed up individuals. "Hey sweet stuff! Wanna play!" _mental shudder_.

I turned around and said, "No, I don't wanna play. EVER!" I'm not homophobic, but I hate when gays try to hit on me

. " RAWR! I like 'em feisty!"

I sank down to the floor and put my head in my lap. Where is Bella? She better get here. _Groan_. That sounds controlling even in my head. " I can give you a reason to moan." Maybe if I just ignore the "Beauty Queen" he/she will go away.

I sat on the floor for about 5minutes banging my head against my knees when I heard: Edward! My head shot up and I could hear Bella, Alice,and Rosalie not more than twenty feet from me. Just when I jumped up the beauty queen tackled me back to the ground. I tried with all my might not to seriously hurt he/she.

" Come on sweet stuff! Show me what you got. Can you handle a real woman like me?" As I was fighting the running back beauty queen I heard the sound of a picture being taken. I turned my head about 40 degrees and I saw Bella, Rosalie, and Alice standing there taking pictures and trying to hold their laughs in. I tried to push him off of me as gentle as I could. He fell off me. " I see you made a new friend Edward. Aren't we still getting Married?" Today is just not my day. " Cullen , Edward" the guard said as he used the key to unlock my cell, " you may go."

" HO!HO! HO! Who wants to be my Ho!HO!HO!" I thought Santa guy was asleep.

The Beauty queen perked up just then. " Oh honey! Tonight is your lucky night!" "Oh no!no!NO! Not that kind of Ho!" " Too late! Have you ever made love to a beauty Queen in a jail Cell with no-" I hurried out of there as soon as I could.

Here I am in a car with Emmett and Jasper. The problem isn't them. The problem is the fact that they keep Making fun of me and the beauty queen. I would've ripped Emmett's head off by now but Jasper was manipulating me. Speaking of manipulating me here comes another one... "Ay,Yo Eddie!Was the beauty Queen man-nipple-laying you in the cell. You didn't last an hour before someone tried to take your ass-ginity."

Emmett is such an idiot. Next time he forgets Rose's birthday or calls her Rosie O'Donnell I'm not helping him out

. " Yeah dude you're so sex deprived even gays can see it. He could probably sense your sexual frustration from a mile away.!" It continued on and on for awhile.

We finally got back to the hotel and I hurried into me and Bella's room. I came in and saw she was asleep and the light was on. I had planned to just come in and lay beside her but decided against it. I always let her get off easy. Too easy. I walked in and slammed the door so hard the lamp fell off the table. All the lights were out. I heard Bella jump up then. In less than five seconds I had my shirt and pants off so I was just in my boxers. Bella could sense my movement.

" Oh my god! Who's there?"

I was still so angry I couldn't speak so I walked over to the window planning to let her see me through the light. Then out of nowhere she jumped on my back with a pillowcase over my head.

"You Motherfucking bastard! Who the fuck are you? I can't wait til my boyfriend comes back. I hope he kills you, you perverted fuck!"

Right about now she was hitting me on the head with something hard but of course to me it felt like a pillow. I decided that since she couldn't really hurt me I was gonna have some fun as payback. She was still screaming. Wow. I didn't know she had such a mouth on her. Of course I want her mouth on …. Never mind. I forgot I'm celibate.

" Who the fuck are you?" I decided with the truth. I knew she wouldn't believe me If I'm just telling her that.

" I'm Edward." I said in a slightly deeper voice."

No the fuck you're not-wait How do you know my fiance's name?" Messing with her head is so easy. She always thinks I'm lying.

" I love you Bella."

"Oh my god," she said in a horrified voice, "you're a stalker!"

"I love you Bella."

Then she kicked the back of my knees and I fell over. She somehow landed in front of me and I grabbed her waist and held her in a vice grip.

"I'm not going anywhere Bella!"

She started screaming, " Edward! Alice!Rose!Em! Jazz! Help me."

I still had the bag over my head but I could see what she was wearing. She had on blue lace panties with a matching bra and some black fuck me boots and her hair was in beautiful curls. Wow. Just then the door sprang open and all the lights came on and there were four angry vampires standing in the doorway. Their expression was murderous but then they appraised our position and laughed so hard they had to hold onto their sides. Just then Bella face turned to the side in order to look at my brothers and sisters, but I held her face the other way so she couldn't see. Then she screamed a bloodcurdling scream, "Edward!" They laughed even harder and just then I let go of her face so she'd know it was me. My hands were still on her waist. She turned around and took the bag off my head. When she saw it was me she attacked me . She jumped on top of me. At first I thought she wanted to kill me, but then she started planting kisses on me. Just then Emmett the embryo started talking.

" Hey you guys should have told us you were doing some kind of kinky vampire-tries-to-kill-human sex game. We wouldn't have came." Jasper decided to Join in too. "that's what she said."

The four continued to laugh until we finally kicked them out. Before the door closed my little pixie of a sister came in and threw a bag full of condoms at us.

" I know you won't need them but you can never be too safe. Bye-Bye."

Then the door slammed and I was face to face with Bella again. We are going to communicate. This time we're doing it with the lights on. That's what she said. _Groan_.


End file.
